stories
Rocky and Adrianna, NE Portland OR
Jan/07/2023 |
It's quite obvious that Adrian and Rocky have grown apart beyond their usual back and forth. Could it be that he was too unstable for her all along?
Jutta, NE Portland OR
Jan/07/2023 |
Jutta had just thrown away the key, when she was notified that this particular tree was not at all in need of saving.
Elsa, Mühlberg GER
Dec/18/2022 |
As usual the police patrol had advised Elsa not to be out in ice and snow. And as usual she had told them to let it go and that the cold never bothered her anyway. They never get the Frozen reference.
Jules, Oregon City OR
Dec/05/2022 |
Jules found himself disbarred and locked out of the office after it came to light that all of his “Swedish degrees and diplomas” were fabrications as flimsy as pressboard furniture.
secret identity, NW Portland OR
Nov/28/2022 |
Nobody knows his name. Few have ever seen him. He stays in the shadows until he is needed. The righteous chairs of Portland may rest easy tonight.
Jordan, Downtown Portland OR
Nov/15/2022 |
Unique business idea – check. Downtown location – check. Credit card support – check. Door chime – check. Jordan has really done his homework and is ready for the big rush.
Michelle, Washington DC
Sep/17/2022 |
To pursue her dream of becoming a real bistro chair, Michelle knew she had to get from Washington to Paris somehow.
Derek, Elsie OR
Jul/23/2022 |
"I should have taken the bus," Derek thought as the brief delay of AmTrak's Coastal Oregon Express entered its seventh decade.
Daphne, Portland OR
May/06/2022 |
Daphne had always considered herself as a hard-wooded American, but she also was a Windsor chair – so the news of the Queen's passing hit her quite hard.
Joe, Portland OR
Jan/29/2022 |
All this time plotting his escape, Joe had thought his troubles would be over once he had cleared the fence. As it turned out, he was wrong.
Gertrud, Frankfurt GER
Nov/21/2021 |
Her joints gave her a lot of trouble lately, but Gertrud was too proud to let the pain show.
Johann, Oberrad GER
Nov/21/2021 |
Johann expected to see his whole life flash before him, but all could think of before he passed out, was the fact that he had never seen his own front legs before.
Franzl, Halfing GER
Oct/28/2021 |
The Kid-E-Jector-2000 only got approved after the addition of a traffic light and a sturdy piece of fence – and after Franzl volunteered to provide seating for a stand-by medic.
Wilhelm, Mühlberg GER
Jul/28/2021 |
Wilhelm has lost track of his own age, but he resents being called an “antique”.
Martin, Frankfurt GER
Mar/10/2021 |
Watching his fellow furniture lose all cohesion and dignity after the eviction only strengthened Martin’s resolve to keep it together and move on.
Barbara, Sachsenhausen GER
Nov/09/2020 |
Right from the start Barbara had had a bad feeling when the family discussed getting a Doberman.
Isabel, F-Lerchesberg GER
Oct/07/2020 |
Isabel wasn’t going to let the fact that the contractor had taken off with the money after the earthwork keep her from calling the new place home.
Andy, F-Sachsenhausen GER
Sep/23/2020 |
Of all the chairs in the spare stack, Andy was the only one to ever make it out.
Doris, F-Niederrad GER
Sep/23/2020 |
Still in shock over being let go, Doris kept mumbling to herself: “Who in their right mind would think a perfect 80s waiting room ever needed a do-over?!”
Alice and Ellen, Eichstätt, GER
Jul/08/2020 |
Alice and Ellen had spent all day avoiding Daisy the dull dinosaur-ride, but now she had finally caught up with them.
Darth and partner, Sachsenhausen GER
Mar/20/2020 |
A bit of chair design history: The Darth could only be purchased in tandem with a styrofoam cube to offset its weight and bring balance to the force.
John Doe, Sachsenhausen GER
Jul/10/2019 |
What set this case apart was the sheer degree of senseless violence unleashed on the victim – and the fact that the perpetrator seems to have lost a pair of bright green briefs in the process.
Manfred, Sachsenhausen GER
Jun/21/2019 |
With the hose reel's testimony it seemed an open and shut case – but in a stunning turn of events the pressure washer could prove that without its plug it didn't have the power to inflict such damage. So Manfred's murder remains unsolved.
Burt, Alcatraz CA
Dec/17/2018 |
As the oldest inmate on the block, Burt didn’t know how much longer he could keep up the tough guy act to intimidate the new arrivals and keep them in check.
Peter, San Francisco CA
Dec/16/2018 |
Peter took it upon himself to be there in case a weary soul needed some rest before moving on to the great beyond.
Frank et al., San Francisco CA
Dec/14/2018 |
The first (and last) Annual Bay Area Office Chair Urban Steeplechase ended in tragedy when Frank jumped way shorter than intended at the first fence and the rest of the field simply couldn't stop.
Matthias and Christian, F-Mühlberg GER
Nov/18/2018 |
In the autumn of their career the remaining two members of the Blue Chair Group decided to call it quits and go their separate ways.
Max, Frankfurt GER
Oct/10/2018 |
In the days leading up to the office party Max used every chance to practice his limbo dance moves. This year he would prevail.
George and Gilbert, San Diego CA
Aug/13/2016 |
Breaking news from the Art By Chairs Awards: the ABCA for best live performance goes to George and Gilbert for their haunting re-enactment of Edvard Munch’s The Scream.
Elon, La Jolla CA
Aug/13/2016 |
Questioned later by fire department investigators, Elon would admit that it was a mistake to leave the extinguisher behind, when he went forth with his experiments to electrify and become the world's fastest office chair.
Veronika, Mühlberg GER
Jul/23/2016 |
The authorities have not yet named an object of interest in Veronika's disappearance, but they would very much like to talk to the bicycle she was last seen with.
Robert and Daniel, Leutkirch GER
Jul/05/2016 |
All their friends had told them: "Look, guys, we don't care who started it. You should apologize to each other and be done with it." To which the twins responded in unison: "Hrmpf!"
John, Jacob et al., Frankfurt GER
Apr/15/2016 |
The purists among the Chairs Of Titanic were not happy about letting other kinds of remnants join them for their 104th anniversary.
Camille, Frankfurt GER
Feb/03/2016 |
No one goes to an art museum for the chairs. After all these years of being practically invisible to visitors, Camille felt validated.
Anderson bros., Undisclosed Location
Jan/10/2015 |
Before the Anderson quadruplets accepted the offer from an obscure banana republic to work as waiting room furniture, nobody bothered to tell them that the waiting people would do here was for the firing squad to arrive.
Brigitte, F-Sachsenhausen GER
Dec/18/2013 |
This was not the first time that a washed-up washer came up to Brigitte, claiming she reminded him of a hamper he once knew. And, sadly, it wouldn’t be the last.
Pamela, Vienna AUT
Apr/14/2013 |
Finally it dawned on Pamela, why everybody had giggled over her initial joy for being assigned a “corner office”.
Susan, Gran Canaria ES
Feb/13/2013 |
Filming of Attack Of The Killer Cactus had to be suspended indefinitely after Susan became the third stunt chair to break a leg during rehearsals for the climactic chase sequence.
Rafael, Mallorca ES
Nov/06/2012 |
Once a hot contender for the lead in Game of Thrones, Rafael withdrew from the limelight, after HBO announced they would go for a more iron-y look. Occasionally he re-lives his glory days by posing for hikers in the mountains of his native Mallorca.
Werner et al., Frankfurt GER
Sep/07/2012 |
Even two hours into the intervention over Werner's excessive consumption of cigarettes and energy drinks, some of his colleagues still had hope that they could get through to him.
Cédric, Réunion FRA (DROM)
Oct/18/2011 |
Cédric was such a mensch – he never suspected that the guy who needed his help to climb the wall was in fact a burglar.
Jon, Funchal POR
Jul/27/2010 |
Whenever Jon had doubts about the point of his posting he would think of his oath: „I am the watcher on the wall. I am the shield that guards the realms of chairs.“
Rudi, Frankfurt
Mar/09/2010 |
Usually the shopping cards were very docile and easy to chase off, but this time one of them fought back.
Frère Jacques, Chartres FRA
Jun/06/2006 |
Brother Jacques’ first sermon from the pulpit didn’t sit well with the congregation. Probably he should have cut the part about The Great Carpenter In The Sky being merely a metaphor.